Bearing Anothers Burdens - The Right Way

There is a healthy way to bear anothers burdens and there is a way that leads to personal emotional destruction.  Galatians 6:2 says, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Part of our Christian walk is a call to help lighten the load of others, not to assume the load! Today Carol Brown continues her series on High Sensitivity with  keys to having a healthy burden bearing response.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-5  

How Do You Drive This Thing?

It’s as if your highly sensitive body was a Ferrari type. If you would like to look under the hood, the explanation of the physical mechanism for how your brain synchronizes or adjusts the inner state of your being to match the inner state of another it is explained in appendix B of The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity, p. 335. If we are to be joy filled Christians, we have to learn how to drive this thing rather than being run over by it. I have learned that Jesus needs to be the one in charge of the sensitivity of my spirit.  One thing I know about Jesus is that He is a good driver. He is a safe driver, but still, you’d best buckle up. He doesn’t slow down on the learning curve!

The problem is, how can I be highly sensitive and not be crushed by it? By knowing where and when it occurs and having a healthy response!

Where:  We will find ourselves soaking up another’s pain so they can carry on most often for those with whom we are the closest, family, friends, extended family, church family, school/work, tribe, state/province, nation. It sort of goes in concentric circles.

When do we absorb others problems?  We are designed to do this when the circumstances of life disable a person and…

·         They do not know they need to call out for help (i.e. they are overwhelmed and not aware)
·         They do not know they have the right to ask for help
·         They forget what they know about themselves, God, other, and life in times of trouble, confusion and distress
·         The enemy of their souls comes to rob, steal and kill
·         They are so loaded down with pain that they are unable to acknowledge it or face it and go into denial
·         The pain is so great they are sinking beneath the weight of it and cannot carry it to the Cross on their own

A Healthy Response:  High sensitivity makes it easy to transfer a portion of someone’s emotional baggage in exchange for some of your joy and vitality. The healthy response is a relational response that is simultaneously vertical to God and horizontal with your fellowman. Wonderful things flow from this connection: relief, healing, a sense of companionship, normal developmental things, and more.

To help your wrap your mind around a “global” experience that may take only seconds, here is a how it happens. (It is global in that it impacts all your senses simultaneously and at every level of being.)

1.  You sense a person’s emotional state—empathy draws you to them.
2.  You ask God if this is a burden you are supposed to deal with.
3.  If not, then immediately ask the Lord to lift it off of you, up and out.
4.   If this is a burden you are supposed to deal with, turn to God in prayer. Use what you sense and feel to tell Him what you and the person you are praying for need. The Holy Spirit draws the burden of others through and out of you.
5. The Lord responds with loving comfort and healing for the person you are praying for and in the process you experience those blessings as well.

Because you are before God in prayer, as He releases His healing love toward the hurting person, it washes 

over you too!

What high sensitivity (empathetic burden bearing) does. Empathy appears to siphon off a bit of the load so people can begin to pray their own prayers, think their own thoughts, see options and function for themselves. It draws down their pain level to below the “overwhelmed” mark. If the process stops at this point, you wear the burden rather than let the Holy Spirit draw it on through you to the Cross where Jesus takes responsibility for it—you will bear the trouble/problem/confusion, but wrongly. You can, on your own, soak up a person’s pain without the power and aid of God’s Holy Spirit, but that is doing the work of the spirit with the strength of the soul. It might help the other person in the short run, but in time it wears you out and tempts you to bitterness and cynicism. It is like running on batteries rather than having a direct power source.

Turning to God in a conscious prayerful connection establishes a vertical relationship to go along with the horizontal one you already have going. The Holy Spirit in you gathers up the burden from all levels of your being and pulls the stress, trouble, and grief through you like thread through a needle to the Cross—the stopping place for all sin, pain and grief—where Jesus takes responsibility for it. When the Holy Spirit is in charge of your empathy you experience only enough of the other person’s trouble to pray intelligently and effectively so that the Lord can restore their ability to pray their own prayers, see options and make wise choices and godly decisions. Release from the burden comes to you, not from empathy, but when the Holy Spirit in you draws the burden through you to the Cross and exchanges the pain, trouble, turmoil or oppression in the one with whom you empathize for the Lord’s healing touch. He restores you as His life flows on, over and through you on its way to the troubled person.

By coming alongside someone who is overwhelmed and helping with the overwhelmed portion results in a deep sense of companionship. When you are overwhelmed, there is a strong sense of loneliness; companionship means the world! But it is very important that Jesus be in charge of your sensitivity, your compassion so that you do not have to experience “compassion fatigue.”

When you experience emotion that you think did not originate in to experiment. Turn to God and tell Him what you feel and what you would like Him to do about it. Ask Him who the feelings belong to. Does someone come to mind? Then ask Him to do what you asked for the person these feelings belong to. Notice what happens—what you feel and do not feel. In conversations casually ask people how things have been going. Expect God to do something…and look for what He did!

Put Jesus in Charge: You do not want to carry stuff you should not be carrying, and you do not want to be stuck with you can get rid of, so ask Jesus to be in charge of your sensitivity.

You can pray something like this: Lord Jesus Christ, I lay all my gifts on the altar—all my natural gifting, all ability to sense and feel things, all ability to know things. I place it all on the altar along with all other kinds of gifts: music, leadership, common sense, teaching, whatever abilities I have, I put on the altar. I choose to be dead to them—put me to death in relation to them. I know that You will give them back resurrected, refined, and directed by the Holy Spirit. I ask specifically that You would be in charge of the sensitivity of my spirit. I ask that You increase or decrease my sensitivity as You see is needed. I know and have confidence that You know me better than I know myself and You will do what is best for me. I thank You Lord Jesus. Amen

Please feel free to ask questions. I know I have not explained as fully as you may need, so ask away. This should get you started. You can put your questions in the comments box. Otherwise, you might find your question answered in The Mystery ofSpiritual Sensitivity, available at Amazon.com. in print or ebook form. Click here for link to book

I look forward to answering your questions and celebrating your “aha!”

Blessings, 
Carol Brown, B.A., MA, Educator, administrator, foreign student adviser, mom, pastor’s wife and author of The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity and Highly Sensitive

Could Your Diagnosis be a Misdiagnosis?

Many were so intrigued by Carol Brown's guest post on high sensitivity last week that I have asked her to do a mini-series during August. Every Monday she will discuss how being highly sensitive affects our health, emotions, and happiness.

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: 
because he trusts in you.~Isaiah 26:3

What does high sensitivity look and feel like?

Did you go to Elaine Aron’s website (http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm) to give yourself the “self-test” for high sensitivity? And did you come up “positive?” You may be wondering what high sensitivity looks like in real life, what it feels like and how it can affect your health. Whenever we make a big shift in thinking it often takes more than one line of evidence to convince us, so here are some real life examples of high sensitivity at work. It is a huge shift to go from thinking that “all feelings I feel originate with me” to asking the Lord if this feeling belongs to me or someone else.  

To people around you high sensitivity can look spooky when you “know” something that no one told you. It can also be comforting. An elderly woman came into the hotel lobby and sat down. The front desk manager watched her and after a moment went to the beverage counter, made a cup of tea and took to the woman. With that little bit of sensitive concern for her, the lady melted and shared her sad tale. The manager was able to make a few well placed calls and the situation was resolved. The lady felt seen and heard and cared about—what comfort when you are fearful. Without the calm the manager brought, her body would have continued to pump out excess stomach acid.

To observers high sensitivity can look like a psyco mood swing. After spending an hour on the phone with a bitter, lonely woman who was not only depressed, but oppressed—toxic to herself and anyone around, I was filled up with her depression and toxicity. I began to rehearse all of my husband’s deficiencies the same way she had been rehearsing the deficiencies of the Christian community around her…his neglect of me…how could he be so late and still say he loves me! My anger grew and grew; when he finally did arrive home, I blew. I tore strips off of him. My behavior was totally out of character for me! He stood back and watched me spew. When I finally wore down he quietly asked, “Who have you been talking to?” My turn to melt; for a bit all I could say was, “I am sorry, I am so, so sorry!” And then I shared my afternoon. We prayed and I was completely restored to myself. The danger with this one is that you may be called crazy. Another danger is that you feel crazy so you may agree with them! Some know in their “knower” that they are not crazy but it is difficult to substantiate, especially when you don’t know that you are capable of absorbing/soaking up other people’s feelings. If David had not understood what was happening it could have done serious damage to our emotional health and possibly our physical health as toxicity that I had downloaded released into our bodies and our marriage!

When feelings can come out of nowhere you can begin to believe you are crazy, as some say. A wife happily busy about her day suddenly becomes tense, anxious and fearful. She struggles to keep her responses grace filled. She eats Tums, fumbles with her work—she is “off” for the rest of the day. Over supper her husband shares that he had the worst day at work that he can remember. He feared for his job and worried about the ramifications for the family. The wife had become filled up with the excess of her husband’s emotion. She carried his overload so that he could function. Our God-given design is that we can carry the overload when it is essential that the other person function. The anxiety and tension she carried for her husband would exaggerate her normal body response to worry. It would attach itself to her favorite worry and make it worse and activate muscle tension, stomach acid and spend quantities of physical and emotional energy!

Picking up physical symptoms can be very confusing. I taught a woman who was a nurse about burden bearing—this phenomena of soaking up someone else’s “stuff.” I did not know that arthritis was in her family medical history. The next morning she awoke to hands on fire. With her family history she thought, “Oh, no! It’s my turn!” She spent about ½ hour searching for relief for her hands. Suddenly the thought occurred to her, “What if this is not my pain? What if it is someone else’s? She held her hands up toward heaven and prayed, “Lord, whose hands are these?” The face of a friend came to mind. She knew the lady had a raging case of arthritis. She now knew how to pray and pray she did—intelligently, specifically and passionately! Shortly the pain was gone from her hands. She was just fine! The Lord’s heart was to help with the arthritis but He waited to be invited. He tapped my friend on the shoulder and connected her with the pain so she could pray the prayer of invitation that the woman experiencing the condition did not or could not pray for some reason.

Later that day the woman called my friend who casually asked about her hands. “Oh, the funniest thing happened. I awoke to hands on fire but then suddenly the pain was gone!” My friend inquired “What time was that?” It was the exact time that my friend had prayed and her own pain was also gone! Talk about a faith builder! I have no way to prove it, but I believe that if she had not prayed, but accepted the arthritis as her own, it would have been hers from that day on.

When we do not know that we are highly sensitive or empathetic (burden bearers—Galatians 6:2 “bear one another’s burdens”) and that we can actually feel and soak up how another person experiences life, we will likely respond by acting out or acting on the emotions as if they were our own, for example¼

·         I absorb anger, but do not pass it on to Jesus, so I “rip strips” off the people around me. 

·         I absorb depression, so I become morose, curl up, and eat chocolates. 

·         I absorb and feel the adoration of someone I have helped.  Assuming the feelings are my own, I respond as if the intense adoration I feel is mine for the other.  (This is trouble if it becomes romantic!)

·         I absorb stress and distress and isolate myself, often blaming others for my feelings.

·         Absorbed emotional freight overwhelms me and I numb myself to make the pain go away.  Or, I behave in self-destructive ways to make the numbness go away— with alcohol, drugs, sex, cutting, or engage in high-risk sport to distract myself.

·         I absorb too much pain or too much shock and become so numb that I behave in self-destructive ways to feel high, to feel something, anything.

·         I try to “fix” the problem in my own strength and wisdom.

·         I pray, but because I think it is my own problem, I only ask the Lord to make it better, to “take this off me!” (List is an excerpt from The Mystery Of Spiritual Sensitivity p. 135, Destiny Image, 2008 ISBN:-13: 978-0-7684-2592-5.)

Acting without understanding is not yet the fullness of relationship the Lord wants for you. When emotions yank you hither and yon you may begin to agree with those who say you are crazy or neurotic. When you have vague pains that come and go that cannot be diagnosed, you can believe that you may be a hypochondriac. And when you pick up psychological symptoms of depression and spiritual oppression and are unable to explain what you feel and why you feel that way; you can begin to feel there is something drastically wrong with you. Many are the voices who will agree with you. Believing such things can have effects upon your self-image, your sense of self esteem and your sense of worth and belonging as well as your health. Actually, the truth is that there is something wonderfully right with you! You are specially designed to come alongside and lighten someone’s load and we will talk about that in the next blog.

I want to be clear—I am not anti-doctors. You should visit the good doctor and rule out physical causes. But when you have done that and still have unexplainable symptoms…that is when to consider that you may be carrying someone else’s pain. What relief to know you can turn to Jesus and give it to Him to deal with! In our next post I will offer you an optional response to “the crazies!”

Please drop a comment in the box below if something in this post rang true for you.

Blessings,

By Carol Brown, B.A., MA

Educator, administrator, foreign student advisor, mom, pastor’s wife and author of  The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity and Highly Sensitive
Website: http://www.fromgodsheart.com 

Sabbath Rest and Spiritual Sensitivity

There is something about summer that brings back memories of the last weeks of school. The excitement of having a hiatus from work and full permission to play until late into the night! Sometime writers need to take the summer off as well. So this summer I wrapped my heart around the concept of God's gift of Sabbath rest.

They must realize that the Sabbath is the LORD’s gift to you. ~ Exodus 16: 29 

Each year during the month of July our entire congregation at Word Alive International Outreach takes a collective Sabbath rest. No Sunday church services. No regular church gatherings for one whole month. Sounds a little scary doesn't it? It was an intimidating prospect for me as well when I first heard about it. But during this time of going to God for myself and resting in His presence, I have found that rest is the best medicine of all. 

For those of use who feel deeply and love hard it's important to find some time to break away to be renewed and revived. I don't like to think of myself as sensitive, but I am. I am sensitive to the heart of God and the pain of others. Being sensitive is not a liability but an asset in the hands of an Almighty God if you will allow yourself the space to grow in this gifting and to rest when needed. 

My friend Carol Brown is the author of Highly Sensitive and The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity . She is my guest blogger today and shares more with us on the topic of spiritual sensitivity. I highly encourage you visit Carol at www.fromgodsheart.com. Her teaching will liberate you to celebrate you uniqueness. 

Are You Wired for High Sensitivity?

Dr. Dalton has given us a great help in identifying the lies that we tell ourselves, and sometimes others tell us and we believe. When we believe something that is not true it has an effect in our bodies; it throws our body chemistry out of whack and who knows what all. There seems to be a cascading effect—sort of like dominoes falling. But there is another thing I would like you to consider. It is not so much a lie that you believe as a variant design.

Some 20-30% of the general population is wired differently; they are wired in such a way as to be highly sensitive. This is only a variation on a theme. Just as there is a spectrum of light, so there is a spectrum of sensitivity that goes from the “frozen chosen” who show little sensitivity, to those who feel like life is an I-MAX theatre and they are tipping out of their chairs in response to spiritual realities that most others can’t even see! Most of the highly sensitive ones are somewhere in between the insensitive ones and the I-Maxers.

Being highly sensitive is not a defect or an anomaly. If you are highly sensitive your central nervous system is designed to receive far more sensory data than the other 70-80%. You simply have a more finely tuned chassis! Because our society is predominately made up of people less sensitive and more gregarious and/or aggressive they tend to set the values and character traits of society. They look at sensitive people and wonder what is wrong, why you are so sensitive, so emotional. They tell you to toughen up, pull yourself together and demand to know what is going on with you. They are verbal-expressive and able to quickly say what is on their minds and wonder at you that you cannot.

Due to the influx of sensory data it takes a sensitive one much longer to sort through all of that information and longer still to interpret it and come to conclusions. But, having sorted it through sensitive ones are able to put different things together in novel ways and therefore are highly creative. They also tend to be highly intelligent and highly compassionate.

There is a reason God designed you that way. The high sensitivity that bombards you with data is also what makes it possible to sense the heart of God and join Jesus in His ministry of reconciliation that is ongoing today. Jesus came to reconcile man to God and until the last human being is reconciled, that job is not complete. The same sensitivity to the heart of God also makes it possible to sense the heart of those around you. If you are highly sensitive, you may be God’s gift of grace to your little patch of the world.

When you sense the heart of someone you are with it can feel as if the sensation is your own. You feel it, right? If you feel something it must have originated with you…wrong! This ability to feel what someone else feels is what the Oxford online dictionary calls empathy “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another..” You are not “wrong;” nor are you crazy. In fact, about ½ the craziness you feel may not even be your own! Others may tell you that you are crazy…and if you are highly sensitive that is truly a lie—don’t believe it!

If you would like to give yourself a little “self-check” to see if you may be highly sensitive, here is a link to Dr. Elaine Aron’s website http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm. She is a secular psychologist who in studying this trait in children discovered that she is highly sensitive. She has written several books on the phenomena. You can find much good information on the trait from her. If you are Christian and would like that perspective, here is a link to my website where you can learn about high sensitivity from a Christian perspective. http://www.fromgodsheart.com.

My own testimony is that for years I knew “something was dreadfully wrong with me!” I periodically went to the doctor who took my blood, took my money and patted me on the head and told me I was “just fine!” If that is your story as well, try that little self test and see what you find. And let us know in the comment box what you discover. I look forward to chatting with you. 

~ Carol Brown, educator, administrator, mom, pastor’s wife and author of The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity and Highly Sensitive.

The Beauty of the Middle

Spring always reminds me of new beginnings! There's a special excitement that comes with the beginning of a goal, but somewhere along the way that excitement starts to fade. The original drive and anticipation is met with the reality that sometimes things take longer than we would like.


It's in the middle, the place between where you started and where you are going, that you learn the most about trusting God with your plans.

It's hard to stand in the middle of your situation and be able to see all God has brought you through yet still not be at the place you desire. But in those times of being caught between the past and the future sits the beauty of the middle, the beauty of this present moment. Life only has three places you can reside within: the past, the present, or the future. If you spend all your time worrying about the past and anticipating the future, you will miss the beauty of being in the middle of God's present will for your life.

Thanks for hopping on over to my blog today for a visit! Be sure to sign up for my free giveaway. Winner will also receive an autographed copy of my award winning book Set Free to Live Free: Breaking Through the 7 Lies Women Tell Themselves (Revell).


**Don't forget to keep hopping!!  Link: Full List of over 50 Blogs Participating in the Blog Hop

John 3:16 Blog Hop Contest

Will you feed your faith or your fears?

There comes a time when your faith and trust meet up against your doubts and fears. It is at that time you decide who you will become. There is a choice to be made. Will you feed your faith or feed your fears? Which table will you choose to sit at?

At one table God has laid out countless promises in His word. The buffet of blessings is abundant but this table requires an understanding of adoption. You can't come in as a guest, but rather you must pull up a chair as a son. To fully experience the unlimited possibilities available at this table you must come in faith, trusting the one who has called you to pull up a chair. He is inviting you to feast, not to merely be a bystander watching others get fed.

At the other table is comfort and a false feeling of safety. This table is surrounded by the familiar. There may not be much selection, but at least you know what to expect. At this table you don't have to wonder if you will be welcome because it is one you have encamped around for years. The pull attached to the table carries the weight of a ball and chain. You will be fed at this table but from a position of lack and striving. This table will always leave you wanting more.

Why spend another moment hungry at the wrong table? The buffet has been spread out for you at the table of  promises and blessings. Why don't you pull up a chair? Feed your faith and starve your fears until they no longer have the power to limit you.

Free to Be Amazing!

I love books and most of all I love books that have the ability to edify, encourage, and equip! This weekend I had the opportuity to read and review You're Already Amazing by Holley Gerth.

From the first chapter I was embraced by Holley’s gift for connecting with her reader. She gently takes you by the hand and moves you past your doubts into the wide open space of God’s grace. With heartfelt vulnerability, she shows how although broken we are wanted, needed, and amazing.

Holley’s skills as a counselor are evident in the wonderful way she uses charts, lists, and grafts to help make her points stick with the reader. The going deeper study section in the back of the book is wonderful for personal or group study.  Every time I picked up You’re Already Amazing, it was like sitting down for my own personal counseling session with Holley.

This book was a great compliment to other books I have recently read from Revell on strengthening and encouraging women to live fully. You’re Already Amazing is an excellent addition to any woman’s library and one women's small groups should consider.

Join Holley as she and the InCourage Book Club team discusses her book online as a community starting March 26th. Click Here to learn more.

I Needed to Forgive God

Sometimes life does not go as we would like. Whether we admit it or not these times of disappointment affect our relationship with God. It's impossible to grow in intimacy with someone you are mad at. In order for growth to occur forgiveness must be extended, only then can a foundation of love be established.

This week I share a part of my testimony on Forgiveness Formula Blog. Visit me there as I share my story of forgiveness.

Link to Article: http://www.theforgivenessformula.com/stories-of-forgiveness-i-needed-to-forgive-god/